Preparing for a conversation




1st position You being you. Stand in your own shoes, looking through your own eyes, feeling your own feelings. Have the conversation with whoever it is that you want to speak with. (they’re not actually there)


2nd position Taking on the other person’s point of view. Sit where you had them sitting, look back at “you” in first position and imagine what it is like to be in their shoes. What do they make of your behaviour, as you look back at you sitting in 1st position?

3rd position As a detached observer, able to take an impartial view of the interaction between “you” in the first position and the other person. Ask what that “you” in the first position needs in order to achieve their outcome. When you know what it is – imagine giving it to them. Maybe it’s patience, curiosity, empathy, understanding, time….etc…

4th position A Mentor – someone you respect and admire. An advisor or a coach. Someone who’s completely separate from 1st, 2nd or 3rd position. You are going to step into their shoes and they will give you some insight that you will collect along with all the other insights that you picked up along the way.


1. Choose a situation in which you would like to have more choices, or more information than at present.

2. Set out three separate spaces on the floor for the three perceptual positions.

3. In turn, step into each position and experience what you see, think and feel from each position. What are you aware of? What do you experience differently in each position?

Make sure you “break state” between each position, so that you experience a clear separation between the different viewpoints.

4. In which position do you feel most resourceful? Stand in the most resourceful position and then take those resources back into the situation (first position).

Do this as many times as you need to in order to feel fully resourced and ready to have that conversation for real.



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